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For All Family Members

You are not alone...

If you are the father, sibling or grandparent of a baby who has died, this is an extremely difficult time for you as you mourn the baby who was to be forever a part of your life.

Even though people grieve in their own individual ways, it is not only possible but important to share that grief with others who are close. That will help you feel not so alone and more understood. Similarly, listening to others grieve without judgment or criticism will help them.

Sometimes those closest to you can be the least comforting to you now in your grief. The mother of the baby might seem oblivious to your anguish since she is caught up in her own deep sorrow over the loss and also might be physically exhausted after the delivery.

Communication with one another and sharing the pain of this loss can still be very valuable. Professional counseling and/or group sharing may be helpful.

In the next few weeks or months it might seem that there is a distance between all of you, a gulf of grief so wide that you're hurting too much to help one another. As separate individuals grieving in different ways, you might feel confused and angry over the loss while everyone around you cannot stop crying. Whatever form your grief is taking now, it is still grief and part of the healing process.

Do not be surprised if holidays or significant dates (the baby's due date or birthday) triggers a temporary surge of new grief and healing.

You have suffered a great loss. Do not feel you must be silent with your suffering. You are not alone in your sadness nor are you forgotten. You may never forget this baby, but you will feel joy again.

The information provided here may assist you in understanding what feelings you might be experiencing after a loss and to help you move forward toward healing.

The Pregnancy and Newborn Loss Team
St. Joseph Mercy Family Birth Center